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8 Tips for Safe
Online Dating
1. Start slow.
Begin by communicating solely via email. "Listen" to your correspondent's words.
Be on the lookout for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at the other
end may not be who or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes
you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection. Conduct
yourself and your romances in a responsible manner. Don't fall in love at the
click of a mouse.
2. Guard your anonymity.
When corresponding with a prospective mate, make sure you don't include
identifying information. Never include your last name, real email address, home
address, phone number, place of work or any other identifying information in
your profile or initial emails. Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you
for this information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it. Take
all the time you need to become comfortable with someone before revealing any
personal contact information.
3. Request a photo.
A photo will give you a good idea of the person's appearance, which may prove
helpful in achieving a gut feeling about your correspondent. In fact, it's best
to view several images of this person in a variety of settings: casual, formal,
indoor and outdoors. If he or she continuously comes up with an excuse, it may
be because that person has something to hide.
4. Talk via telephone.
A phone call can reveal much about a person's communication and social skills.
It is worth the cost of the call to protect your security, but do not give out
your personal phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead. Only
when you feel completely comfortable should you furnish your phone number.
5. Meet when YOU are ready.
The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can gradually collect
information and then make a choice about pursuing the relationship in the
offline world. You are never obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level
of online intimacy. And even if you do decide to arrange a meeting, you always
have the right to change your mind. It's possible that your decision to keep the
relationship at the anonymous level is based on a hunch that you can't logically
explain. When you're not sure, go with your gut instincts.
6. Select the safest possible environment.
When you make the choice to meet offline, always tell someone where you are
going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with
that person. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your
own transportation, meet in a public place at a time when many people are
present, and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. A familiar
restaurant or coffee shop, at a time when a lot of other people will be present,
is often a fine choice. If you decide to move to another location, take your own
car. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together and
say goodbye.
7. Take extra caution outside your area.
If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel
room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make
the arrangements for you. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location
you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go
back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message
on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans
and has your contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all
times.
8. Watch for red flags.
Pay attention to any displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts at
pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making
demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are
all red flags. You should also be concerned if your date exhibits any of the
following conduct without providing an acceptable explanation:
* Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital
status, profession, employment, etc.
* Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online
intimacy.
* Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
* Appears in person to be significantly different from his or her online
persona.
* Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.
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